How Boys Learn

Many boys need opportunities to move around and like competitive situations.
by Patti Ghezzi

On the playground, it seems so obvious. Girls huddle and chat, often using vocabulary that makes their parents shake their heads and ask “Where did my 4th grader pick up the word ‘ebullient’?”
And boys...well, they’re less likely to use words like “ebullient” and to have in-depth conversations with their pals on the playground. They’re too busy proving they can climb the fastest, jump the farthest, and holler the loudest.
“Girls and boys,” says one parent who has a couple of each, “they’re just so different.”
Researchers have long been fascinated by gender differences and how they play out in social situations, in the classroom, and in adulthood. Teachers and parents often struggle with the challenge of having such different kids assigned the same term paper or math test.
But do boys really learn differently than girls? Some experts say they don’t. “There is no difference in the nature and quality of how they learn,” says Judith Preissle, an education professor at the University of Georgia who has studied gender and education. “We’re not different species.”
But that doesn’t mean boys and girls are the same.
There is evidence that boys differ from girls in some key ways: They mature at a slightly slower pace, and they are better at spatial visualization. That’s not to say many girls aren’t good at reading maps or constructing elaborate three-dimensional projects. But on average, boys have the edge in these areas.
Another key difference is that boys need to move around more. Girls are often able to sit still longer and to stay more focused during a traditional lesson, a possible explanation for why girls are enjoying more academic success than boys. Boys are more likely to fidget in class and need frequent stretch breaks. Boys don’t just enjoy recess, they crave it. “If you want to help your boys, give them lots of opportunity to run around,” Preissle says.
Penmanship is also an area of contrast. “Boys just struggle with pencils,” Preissle says. Their fine motor skills will eventually catch up, but until that happens it can be difficult for boys to write neatly. Messy handwriting is often mistaken for laziness or carelessness.
Generally speaking, boys crave competition and the possibility of winning whereas girls are better at cooperation. Preissle recommends exposing both girls and boys to opportunities to compete and cooperate. That way, kids get to do what they enjoy and also have a chance to improve in areas that don’t come naturally.
Many experts, including Preissle, warn against putting too much stock in gender differences for fear parents and teachers will inadvertently reinforce stereotypes.
“Kids rise to our expectations,” says Lise Eliot, an associate professor of neuroscience at the Rosalind Franklin University of Medicine and Science in Chicago. Eliot is working on a book about gender differences, and she urges parents and teachers to be sensitive to individual differences without letting the expectation that boys will struggle in a traditional classroom become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Experts disagree over whether differences between boys and girls are biological or taught. Eliot notes that while little boys gravitate to balls and little girls reach for dolls, as girls get older they grow comfortable with trucks and action figures. Boys, however, don’t usually outgrow their aversion to girl-themed toys, leading Eliot to suspect nurture over nature.
In her years of research, the only biological difference she has seen between boys’ and girls’ brains is their average size. Boys tend to have bigger brains, but they also tend to have bigger kidneys and other organs, she notes. They’re just bigger kids. “I don’t get too excited about bigger brains,” Eliot says, adding that girls’ brains grow faster.
For parents, the possible reasons for gender differences aren’t as important as how they respond to those differences. Eliot recommends exposing all children, regardless of gender, to toys and activities that encourage literacy and math. “Expect boys to read,” she says.
Many parents and educators are concerned about boys sliding down the educational achievement ladder while girls leapfrog over them. As girls make gains in society, does it have to be at the cost of boys’ academic achievement? Eliot suggests paying attention to boys’ need to release energy on a playground, at the ball field, or in the backyard. She also advises exposing boys to musical instruments, fine arts, foreign languages, and other interests more often associated with girls.
Perhaps easiest of all, parents can help boys by exposing them to girls. “Boys who hang around with girls are better able to read emotions,” explains Eliot, adding that girls can learn from boys how to stand up for themselves and embrace competition. “The two genders have much to learn from each other.” That gives both boys and girls reason to be ebullient.
For more on the differences in how children learn best, read “How Girls Learn”

Journalist Patti Ghezzi covered education and schools for 10 years for the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. She lives in Avondale Estates, Ga., with her family, which includes husband Jason, daughter Celia, and geriatric mutt Albany.

How Girls Learn

Girls like to collaborate and often create strong relationships.
by Patti Ghezzi

Diane Lore learned to appreciate how different boys and girls can be after her third child—her first daughter—came along.
“Emmie could color at 2 [years old], literally for an hour. At 4, she’s Miss Perfect Student,” the Atlanta mom says. “She sits in her seat, loves to color, and writes her name. It is so vastly different from the boys, it’s stunning. And, of course, the teachers adore her.”
Parents with both boys and girls are often struck by how girls seem to be a more natural fit for the classroom. On average, they make pleasing their teachers a higher priority than boys do. They like to collaborate with other students on projects. They are proud of their neat penmanship. And while they might long for recess, they are able to sit still and march their way through a math worksheet.
Boys, on the other hand, are more likely to rebel against the structured classroom environment. They generally need to jump around and release energy in a way that girls do not.
The trends are compelling, but parents shouldn’t be too surprised if their daughters don’t fit the pattern, says Nancy Knapp, an associate professor of educational psychology at the University of Georgia who has observed gender differences in the classroom. “You can’t predict any one kid based on gender,” she says, noting that up to one-third of kids break the pattern.
Still, understanding how boys and girls often differ can help parents and teachers make sure their daughters don’t fall victim to gender stereotypes. “We need to make sure we have room and space for both genders in schools,” Knapp says.
Girls usually start talking earlier and use more complex sentences than boys do. As they get older, girls continue to outpace boys in speech fluency, reading, and writing. Their SAT scores on the verbal portion tend to be higher.
But such impressive vocabularies can have a cost. Compared to their verbal skills, girls’ perceived weakness in spatial visualization—where boys tend to be strong—can put them at a disadvantage for math and science.
As girls hit middle school, their self-esteem often declines. Feeling that they aren’t as good at math and science as boys, they may stop trying, focusing instead on more girl-oriented skills like reading, writing, foreign languages, and the arts. “Even girls who once thought of themselves as good at math and science may start doubting themselves,” Knapp says.
Parents can help their daughters find the academic path that’s right for them by exposing them to math and science as much as possible and encouraging them if their daughters show signs of self-doubt.
Girls get used to being praised for their compliance, but they also need praise for being independent thinkers. “Boys are more often praised for originality of thought,” Knapp says. “Girls need to be allowed to have original thoughts and opinions.”
Relationships become even more important for girls in middle schools. They tend to need their teachers to like them, and friendships are paramount. They often become interested in the opposite sex earlier than boys. Instead of cringing at a girl’s tendency toward melodrama and worrying about its interference with schoolwork, parents and teachers should recognize that it’s a normal part of development.
Even though girls are usually able to sit still longer than boys, they also benefit from exercise during the school day, says Lise Eliot, an associate professor of neuroscience at the Rosalind Franklin University of Medicine and Science in Chicago. “Moving around is good for all kids,” she says.
Some girls will need more of a nudge toward physical activity. Parents can make it easier by exposing their daughters to a range of opportunities beyond competitive sports, which will not interest all kids.
Like Knapp, Eliot worries that parents and teachers will inadvertently go overboard when addressing gender differences, pushing kids into the areas where they are comfortable instead of challenging them to take on subjects and skills associated with the other gender.
Girls do just as well as boys on arithmetic and computation in elementary school, Eliot says, but when their coursework shifts into advanced math, they often falter. She recommends exposing girls early on to spatial skills that will help with geometry and calculus. Puzzles and building blocks make good toys for preschool-age girls as well as boys.
Young kids don’t need a lot of toys, Eliot notes. Instead, parents should focus on having the right mix of toys to give their daughters the early-learning skills they’ll need to sidestep gender stereotypes. As they get older, girls can learn about fractions, ratios, and percentages through everyday life, such as slicing a pizza into eighths or calculating how much gas will be required for a family vacation.
Overall, the news is good for girls, who are excelling in the classroom at a pace that often has educators wondering where they went wrong with boys. The key is to make sure that in the effort to help boys achieve, girls continue to get the attention and encouragement they need.
For more on the differences in how children learn best, read “How Boys Learn”

Journalist Patti Ghezzi covered education and schools for 10 years for the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. She lives in Avondale Estates, Ga., with her family, which includes husband Jason, daughter Celia, and geriatric mutt Albany.

What Is Your Child’s Learning Style?

Understanding how your child learns can reduce frustration and improve achievement.
by Emily Graham

If your child constantly squirms and fidgets when he’s doing math homework or insists on listening to music while studying vocabulary words, take heart. Although it may seem like he’s trying to drive you crazy, he’s probably just using the strategies that help him learn.
“I like to study at a desk in silence, and my daughter can’t think that way. She likes to bounce around on a ball with music in the background,” says author Maureen McKay, whose website, Optimistic Outcomes, provides tips for parents based on a child’s learning style. “Sometimes kids are just doing what works for them.”
Educators have long been aware that learning is not one-size-fits-all. In a typical classroom, some kids process information best by hearing the teacher explain it, some learn by seeing what’s on the chalkboard, and others learn through hands-on exercises. Colleges have increasingly begun teaching new students about learning styles so they can develop effective study habits. And many primary and secondary schools conduct surveys to give teachers insight into the learning styles of their students. Three basic learning styles are auditory, kinesthetic, and visual.
Auditory learners prefer listening to explanations over reading them and may like to study by reciting information aloud. This type of learner may want to have background music while studying, or they may be distracted by noises and need a quiet space to study.
Kinesthetic learners learn by doing and touching. They may have trouble sitting still while studying, and they are better able to understand information by writing it down or doing hands-on activities.
Visual learners process new information by reading, looking at graphics, or watching a demonstration. Children with this learning style can grasp information presented in a chart or graph, but they may grow impatient listening to an explanation.
Most people use a combination of styles but have a clear preference for one. Understanding your child’s learning style can reduce homework frustrations and make it easier for families to communicate, says McKay. She observed different learning styles while working as a teacher’s aide, and she started researching strategies for working with different learning styles when her daughter began having trouble in elementary school.
Because her daughter had difficulty listening in class, McKay looked for exercises to strengthen listening skills. Her daughter especially enjoyed one approach, listening to an audio book and reading the book at the same time. She’s now doing well in middle school, and McKay attributes her success in part to the fact that her teachers and parents came to understand her unique style of learning.
Once you know your child’s primary learning style, it’s a good idea to let his teacher know what kind of approaches help him learn best. “I find that educators are much more willing to work with you if you’re giving them ideas that work for your child,” McKay says. “The great thing is that the things that benefit your child are really going to benefit all the kids, so you’re not asking for the moon.”
Although it may be tempting to stick with what works, keep in mind that a child’s preferred learning style may change as she grows and that people who can learn in a variety of ways can more readily absorb information. McKay advises parents to help their children practice using different kinds of skills.
“Really well-balanced students will be able to be comfortable learning in all ways. Knowing that and working on that when they’re young gives them a competitive edge,” she says.
Parents can use a variety of approaches to help kids learn math facts, for example. When a kid gets bored with flash cards, a visual and auditory strategy, McKay suggests letting him play a family board game that uses two dice and asking him to count how many spaces each player should advance. This is a more kinesthetic approach but may also appeal to visual and auditory learners.
“Being able to tap in to different styles allows you a lot of novelty and adds a lot of fun to homework and chores and interactions at home,” McKay explains. For example, if a child resists studying her spelling words, you can ask her to spell the words on a table using Scrabble tiles.
Being aware of your child’s learning style can reduce homework battles and strengthen parent-child relationships. “It’s very empowering for families to really understand each other and how they learn and how they think to work out problems,” McKay says. “This kind of involvement is a great way to bond with your kids and to impart knowledge, and it’s really fun.”

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Homework Tips for Each Learning Style

Auditory learners are typically good at absorbing information from spoken words. Strategies that work well for auditory learners include:

• Talking to themselves or with others about what they’re learning
• Reciting important information aloud, perhaps recording it and playing it back
• Reading a book and listening to the audio book at the same time
• Using word associations
• Setting information to a tune and singing it to help remember it
• Limiting distracting noises

Kinesthetic learners prefer to be active while studying and may not be able to focus while sitting still. Strategies for kinesthetic learners include:

• Reading aloud and tracking words on a page with a finger
• Writing things down multiple times to commit them to memory
• Highlighting and underlining
• Playing with a stress ball or toy while studying
• Moving around or taking frequent breaks
• Doing hands-on activities, such as building models or playing games

Visual learners benefit from seeing information on a chalkboard or in an illustration and may grow impatient listening for long periods of time. Strategies for visual learners include:

• Using flash cards
• Studying charts, tables, and maps
• Drawing illustrations
• Writing things down and reviewing notes
• Highlighting and underlining
• Color-coding information

Emily Graham is a senior editor for School Family Media. She lives with her family in Oklahoma.

7 Things To Tell the Teacher

Sharing key information about your child can help teachers make a connection.
by Emily Graham

What can you tell a teacher that will help him do his job better? You might be surprised. While your child’s teacher is the expert in education, no one knows more about your child than you do. It’s just as important for parents to tell teachers about issues at home that may affect school performance as it is for teachers to report how children are doing in the classroom.
Students do best when parents and teachers work together as partners. The start of a new school year is a great time to open a dialogue with your child’s teacher. Not sure where to start? Here are seven things teachers wish you would tell them. Sharing this information with a teacher will help her better understand your child’s needs and lay the groundwork for a cooperative relationship throughout the school year.

1. Health conditions: If your child is diabetic, uses an inhaler, is allergic to peanuts, or has a serious health condition, her teacher should know. It’s also helpful to let the teacher know whether your child has been diagnosed with conditions like ADHD, which may affect behavior and concentration.
2. Family issues: Fill in the teacher if your family is going through a major change that could affect your child, such as a divorce, a death in the family, or a move. Even if your child seems to have adjusted well, alert teachers so they can watch for behavioral changes.
3. Personality traits or behavior issues: Maybe your son is painfully shy and is worried about making friends at a new school. Or perhaps your kindergartner has been having tantrums at home and you’re concerned she’ll do the same at school. It’s best to make teachers aware of these issues before they become a problem at school.
   
4. Strengths and weaknesses: Your daughter is a star student in math but is embarrassed to read aloud. Your son loves language arts but struggles with science. If you tell teachers these things up front, they’ll have more time to help your children improve in the areas they need it most.
5. Learning style: You’ve spent years teaching your kids, from potty training to tying shoelaces, so you have a good idea of their learning styles. If your child learns better through hands-on activities than through listening to explanations, mention that to his teacher. Also share any teaching strategies that you’ve found work well with your child.
6. Study habits: Does your son speed through math homework but labor over reading assignments? Do your daughter’s grades suffer because she spends so much time at skating lessons? Tell teachers about your children’s study habits and any issues they face in completing the work. Teachers often can offer suggestions to make homework time go more smoothly.
7. Special interests: Knowing more about your child’s hobbies or interests can help the teacher forge connections in the classroom. Let the teacher know that your young son loves a particular comic book superhero and that your middle school daughter is a gifted painter.

Emily Graham is a senior editor for School Family Media. She lives with her family in Oklahoma.

Internet Safety Tips for Parents

Kids need to use the Internet; these tips will help you keep them safe.
by Patti Ghezzi

Millions of students head to the nearest computer to conduct school research online. With the Internet’s help, they can create everything from detailed projects on rainforests to slide presentations about how a hurricane forms without setting foot in a library.
“There’s a wealth of information on the Internet, and it’s a great tool,” says Ross Ellis, founder and CEO of Love our Children USA, a child abuse prevention organization that is active in Internet safety. “You can’t keep kids off the Internet.”
Yet the Internet is not the place for an all-access pass. Kids of all ages need parental supervision. A few common-sense tips can help keep your child safe online.

1. The computer should be in an open area, not in a child’s room. “You don’t want to spy on your kids or peer over their shoulder,” Ellis says, “but you want them to know you’re in the room.”
2. Assure your children that you know you can count on them to use the Internet responsibly. “Kids need to feel they’re trusted,” Ellis says.
3. Set clear expectations for your child, based on age and maturity. Does your child have a list of websites she needs to stick with when doing her research? Is she allowed to use a search engine to find appropriate sites? Is your child allowed to visit social networking sites such as Facebook and MySpace? What sites is she allowed to visit just for fun? Write down the rules and place them next to the computer. Your child’s teacher should be able to advise you on which sites are appropriate for schoolwork and educational fun.
4. Use filtering software designed to help parents limit the websites children can access. Some programs have monitoring features that can tell you which sites your child visits and can even send you a message letting you know your child is online. (While such programs have come a long way since the early bug-ridden days, they are not a substitute for supervision and communication.)
5. Tell your child if you are using software to track her online activity. Remind him that you are not spying; you are keeping him safe. Tell him that protecting him is your job as a parent.
6. Stay involved with your child’s school by remaining in close contact with your child’s teachers and counselors. If trouble is brewing among students online, it probably started at school. Knowing what’s going on at school will increase the chances that you’ll hear about what’s happening online.
7. A growing concern with kids and the Internet is online bullying. Ask your child specific questions about whether he is being bullied at school or online. Talk about your own experiences in school with bullying, letting him know you know it goes on. Assure him that you won’t try to fix the problem, if it is happening, without talking to him first.
8. Parents often worry about their child being bullied, but they don’t readily consider that their child could be a bully. Talk to your child about why it is not OK to bully other children, online or in person. “Teach compassion and kindness,” Ellis says. “From the get-go, they will know that being a bully...doesn’t feel good.”
9. Tell your child that people who introduce themselves on the Internet are often not who they say they are. Show your child how easy it is to assume another identity online. Don’t assume your child knows everything about the Internet. Kids are naturally trusting.
10. Instruct your child to never give out personal information online, including her full name, gender, age, school, address, or teams. Teach your child to be generic and anonymous on the Internet.

“The Internet offers incredible benefits to families, and people are becoming more connected at a younger age every day,” says Amber Lindsay, director of program development and outreach for the Internet Keep Safe Coalition. “From the moment youth start using technology, parents should take an active role in communicating and keeping current on what their child is doing....Open communication creates a relationship of trust that will make this process easier.”

Journalist Patti Ghezzi covered education and schools for 10 years for the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. She lives in Avondale Estates, Ga., with her family, which includes husband Jason, daughter Celia, and geriatric mutt Albany.

Facebook and Social Networking: What Parents Should Know

Social networking sites like Facebook keep growing in popularity, especially among teens. But they can also be used for online bullying. Here are 10 tips to get parents up to speed and help them be aware of their teen's social networking activity.
by Patti Ghezzi

Parents used to hear about the dangers of Internet chat rooms. Now, they hear about far-reaching social networking sites like Facebook, Tumblr, and Foursquare.
Social networking sites provide tools for adults and kids to connect and communicate. They allow you to create a profile, chat with friends, post photos, and share with the world what you had for breakfast and your philosophies on life.
These sites give kids a way to connect with people they know, but they also allow easy access from people they don’t know. Strangers can use a student’s profile to figure out where she goes to school, where she lives, what activities she participates in, and other personal information. Predators can use fake identities to give children a false sense of security and lure them into a meeting in person.
Yet networking sites, if used responsibly, can provide an outlet for kids to do what comes naturally to them: socialize. They serve as a creative outlet and can even improve written communication skills, says Ross Ellis, founder and CEO of Love Our Children USA, an organization to prevent child violence. Such sites also make it possible for kids to reconnect with friends they met at summer camp or classmates who have moved away.
Parents may be tempted to forbid their children to go near social networking sites—but doing so may prompt curious kids to explore them unassisted and unsupervised. Instead, help your child safely navigate the world of online social networking.

1. Talk to your child about Facebook, Tumblr, Foursquare and other sites. Don’t wait for your child to bring it up; he probably already knows about them.
   
2. Get savvy. Many parents have heard of Facebook, but they have no idea what it is. Go online and set up profiles on Facebook, Tumblr, and Foursquare, just to name a few. Learn how the different sites operate. Familiarize yourself with the language and culture on each site. Try the Internet Keep Safe Coalition (iKeepSafe). In an effort to combat online- or cyber-bullying, the CEO of iKeepSafe recently participated in the second annual Federal Partners in Bullying Summit in Washington DC., hosted by the U.S. Department of Education’s Office of Safe and Drug-Free Schools.
   
3. Check the rules for each site. If your child wants to set up a profile and is old enough under the site’s rules, help her establish a page without revealing personal information.
   
4. Sites allow users to post a photo or personalized graphic (known as an avatar). Encourage your child to find an avatar that he feels reflects his personality, rather than a photograph. If he really wants to use a photo, choose one taken at a distance and make sure he’s not wearing a team jersey or anything else that could reveal his location.
   
5. Some sites allow users to set privacy settings, allowing access only to select friends or those with a password. Such password-protected features may allow your child to post photos that only her friends can view.
   
6. Warn your child of the real dangers of ignoring safety precautions on Facebook and other sites—for example, someone finding out which school they go to or posting information about them in other places, such as pornography sites. “Parents shouldn’t be afraid to broach the subject,” Ellis says. “Children need to learn the consequences of their actions.
   
7. As further motivation for keeping children from posting photos on public sites, let them know that others may be able to download the photo, doctor it, and repost it elsewhere.
   
8. Users build an online profile on Facebook and other sites by inviting others via email to be their “friend.” Instruct your child to always ask classmates in person whether they sent a friend invitation. It’s not hard for a stranger to pose as a friend to gain access.
   
9. Just like video games or television, social networking sites can be a drain on a child’s free time and a serious distraction. Limit the time your child spends on the computer, and only allow recreational use after homework is done.
   
10. Embrace the benefits of social networking technology. Set up your own profile and see how many classmates, coworkers, and friends you can find. Show your child the correct way to use online networking tools.
    

Social networking sites are proliferating, not going away. The more you know about networking technology, the better prepared you’ll be to protect your child from potential dangers and to help your child take advantage of what these sites have to offer.

Journalist Patti Ghezzi covered education and schools for 10 years for the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. She lives in Avondale Estates, Ga., with her family, which includes husband Jason, daughter Celia, and geriatric mutt Albany.

Talk With Your Child About the Internet

Expert advice from Marian Merritt on teaching your child to be safe online and keeping the conversation going.
by Sharron Kahn Luttrell

Marian Merritt, Norton from Symantec’s Internet safety advocate, answers our questions about how to talk with your child about being safe and responsible online and how to keep the conversation open, ongoing, and informative for both of you.

At what age should parents begin to talk with their child about using the Internet responsibly and safely?

Even a child as young as 4 or 5 years old can understand the concept that there are websites that Mommy and Daddy like and websites that Mommy and Daddy don’t like. Identity four or five websites the child would like to go to and make a big icon on the desktop for each. That way, your child can enter these sites without risking typing in the addresses and possibly making a mistake and ending up in the wrong place. You can do this as soon as your child is old enough to start clicking the mouse with some confidence and you find yourself going in and out of the room while your child uses the computer.

After that first conversation about Internet safety, how often should a parent bring up the topic?

At least once a year. But this should be an on­going discussion. Also, you’ll want to do it in a way that’s productive. You don’t ever want to have a conversation with your children where they’ve tuned you out. But at the same time, the Internet is such a pervasive part of your child’s life that they generally do want to know that they’re safe and that you’ll support and help them.
Parents can start the conversation with their children by asking them questions about what they do online. Do this in a light, nonconfron­tational way. There are really five basic questions:

• What are your friends doing online?
• What are the coolest or newest websites?
• Will you show me your favorite sites?
• Do you know anyone who has been cyberbullied?
• When you’ve been online, have you ever seen anything weird or that made you feel uncomfortable?

Figure out which of these questions are most important to you and start with those. It’s perfectly OK to ask just one question. For example, while you’re in the car and you’re driving to soccer practice, ask “What are the coolest websites these days?” That way you’re being conversational, not interrogational.

What if I’m uncomfortable with the Internet and computers? How can I talk with my child about what he does online when I know so little about it?

All of the authority you have as a parent still holds when it comes to the Internet. You still get to set the rules and say that your child needs to follow them in order to have access to the Internet.
But I do recommend that you ask your child to teach you about the Internet. If you don’t know much about social networking and your child does, ask her to show you how to set up an account. Say to your child, “I want to make sure my account is safe and private and secure; can you show me how to do that?” By asking for your child’s help, you’re giving her the opportunity to educate you. That can be very empowering to your child and a great way to deepen your bond.

Wouldn’t it be easier to just keep our kids away from the Internet for as long as we can get away with it?

That’s assuming that the Internet is somehow inherently bad. And I disagree with that. I think that people are inherently good but some people aren’t, and the Internet has both.
Parents who fear the Internet should look at it the way our children do: It’s just part of life. It’s like air. We don’t want to teach our children to fear air. And keeping our children away from the Internet puts them at such a disadvantage. Even elementary-school-age activities like scouting have created these very rich online environments where kids can learn about their badges, their requirements. I think it would be very foolish to take a negative approach to something kids don’t view as optional at all.
I think most kids are just being kids when it comes to the Internet. But parents have to be in the room virtually. If they aren’t, it’s like sending our kids to school and taking away the teachers, the principal, the janitorial staff, and the security people and expecting our kids not to get into trouble. Parents have to stay in touch with their children’s online lives. That means asking your kids what they’re doing online and asking more than once.

School and the Internet: What You Should Know

How students are using the Internet at school, and precautions you should take at home.

In classrooms across the country, kids are going online to master math concepts, take virtual field trips, and much more. Here’s what you should know about your child’s online activities at school and at home.

Kindergarten

Kindergarten isn’t just about learning the ABCs and 123s. Many students also learn to use a web browser and operate a mouse. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, one-third of kindergartners use the Internet. In the classroom, teachers may guide students as they use the school library’s online card catalog, conduct simple Internet searches, and bookmark favorite sites.
Once kids learn the basics, they’ll probably want to go online at home without your help, but it’s important to provide close supervision. Have your young child use an age-appropriate search engine, such as Yahoo Kids or Ask for Kids, or use the links for children on the school website.

Elementary School

Half of students in 1st through 5th grades use the Internet, the Census Bureau reports. Many elementary students use the Internet for online scavenger hunts and WebQuests, in which they follow the instructions on a website to solve a problem, such as planning a dream vacation on a budget. By the time they leave elementary school, many students have helped build basic websites.
Lower Elementary: Younger elementary students are primarily learning to retrieve information from the Internet. In 1st and 2nd grades, students may type and send emails to other students or to experts outside the school, such as the author of a book they’ve read. Many will research a topic online, such as birds or bugs, and give a brief presentation to the class.
Outside school, many children use email and visit chat rooms by the time they’re 7 or 8, according to Microsoft. As with all things, younger elementary students will want to test the limits of what they can get away with. Keep in mind that young children may try to go to sites they aren’t allowed to; supervise children and use filtering software accordingly.
Upper Elementary: Older elementary school students are more likely to use the Internet for homework and research reports. Students may look online for science project ideas or research and write a persuasive letter to an elected official. In class, they may email regularly with students from other parts of the world, for example to compare weather data such as rainfall and temperature. As students learn to analyze data gathered online, help them think about effective search terms and evaluate the credibility of information sources.
At home, many kids ages 9 to 12 use the Internet to socialize, using instant messaging instead of talking on the phone. Make sure children know they should not give out personal information to strangers, and talk to them about the safe use of social networking sites such as MySpace.
Keep in mind that as preteens become more curious about sex, some will look to the Internet for information. Internet filters can keep kids from accessing sites you want to keep off-limits, but supervision is still important.

Middle School

The Census Bureau found that in middle school, 70 percent of students use the Internet. Middle schoolers may go online to learn about careers, read about current events, and research reports. Many students this age will build a website for a school project or visit a school or class website to get information about assignments.
At this age, kids may be able to work around filtering software. Keep your passwords private so your middle schooler can’t log in to the computer or to specific sites as an adult user.

General Internet Guidelines

Set some ground rules. Kids should always know where they are (and aren’t) allowed to go and what they are (and aren’t) allowed to do online.
Teach online safety. Remind kids not to give out personal information, such as their name or address, if they’re talking online with someone they don’t know.
Monitor your child’s Internet use. If you can’t always supervise your child’s web surfing, consider Internet filters to block out material that’s not age-appropriate. It’s a good idea for younger children to use a family email address so parents can keep tabs on their correspondence.
Set limits. Don’t let your child “play” online until he has completed his homework. If your child spends too much time online or if several family members share one computer, limit the time each person can be online.
Teach proper “netiquette.” Whether your child is in the schoolyard or online, the same rules of behavior apply. Make sure they know that writing mean things about people, spreading gossip, and bullying are not acceptable online.

Have a Conversation About School

Get beyond one-word answers and find out what your child really thinks and feels about school.
by Emily Graham

Maybe your daughter says she hates social studies but won’t tell you why. Or your son, when asked what he learned at school, just says “Nothing.” Talking about school with your children shows them that you value education and keeps you aware of what’s going on in their lives, but what should you do when they don’t want to talk?

Getting the Conversation Started

First, think about the time of day and the kind of questions you ask. Whether your child is a chatty 1st grader or a tightlipped teenager, he may not want to talk about a tough math test as soon as he gets home from school. And questions like “How was school?” are bound to elicit uninformative answers like “Fine.”
Experts recommend taking a few minutes to reconnect as a family after the busy day before addressing school and household issues. Let your kids know you’re glad to see them and wait a while to ask about grades. Keep in mind that kids may be tired or preoccupied when they first come home, or they may want some quiet time before launching into the evening’s activities.
When you start a conversation about school, ask specific questions about parts of your child’s day or the school environment, advises Laurence Steinberg, author of The 10 Basic Principles of Good Parenting and a psychology professor at Temple University.
“I think the biggest mistake parents make is to ask broad questions like ‘How was your day today?’ and their kids give a one- or two-word answer,” Steinberg says. “The more specific you are in your questions, the more of an answer you’re likely to get.”
At the beginning of the school year, Steinberg suggests asking general questions to learn about a child’s classroom, teacher, and classmates, such as:

• What does your classroom look like? Where is your desk?
• Which of your friends are in your class? Who else is in your class?
• What did you like best at school today?
• What did you have for lunch?

If your child is not talkative, you can still learn a lot about her school experience through other means. Read the school newsletter, email the teacher, and talk to other parents on the phone. As you become more familiar with your child’s daily routine, you can ask more specific questions to get her talking about a project or a class pet.

Talking About Problems

What should you do when your daughter announces that she hates school or when your son says he can’t stand the kids in his class? Even for children prone to melodrama, these kinds of statements may signal that a child is having academic or social problems at school. It’s important to get to the root of the problem, Steinberg says, and that will take patience and understanding.
When your daughter says “I hate school,” it could mean she is bored in class, doesn’t understand new material, is being pushed too hard, or doesn’t get along with a teacher. Your son’s declaration that he doesn’t like the other kids may mean that he feels ignored or friendless or that he’s being bullied or victimized.
Parents can help by talking with their kids about steps they can take to make the situation better. Younger children may need their parents’ help to think about how to solve a problem, while older children need a chance to solve problems on their own, Steinberg says.
While most kids will be nervous about new experiences, that nervousness should fade over time, Steinberg says. Parents should be cheerful, yet firm, in dealing with their kids. “The most important thing for the child to have is support from you.”

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Communicating With Kids: Tips by Age Group

Playground disputes and disappointing grades—and learning to deal with them—are important parts of growing up. Before you intervene on your child’s behalf, think about what response is appropriate for his maturity level and developmental stage.

Talking With Young Children

Younger children, especially those in kindergarten through 3rd grade, will need help thinking about how to respond to problems at school. You can help your child learn problem-solving skills by talking about potential responses and what results they may bring. Help your child decide the best steps to take and encourage her to do what she can on her own.
Older children may be aware of potential solutions but still need encouragement to act. Children sometimes need coaching from their parents to take the first step, says Temple University psychology professor Laurence Steinberg.
If the problem persists, Steinberg recommends calling your child’s teacher to see what insights she can bring.

Talking with Adolescents

By 4th or 5th grade, children may become more resistant to parental involvement. Although it’s a difficult balance, it’s important to respect your adolescent’s growing desire for autonomy while being available to help when needed. For example, if a 7th grader is struggling in math class, talking with the child about the best way to ask the teacher for extra help is likely be more effective than calling the teacher directly, Steinberg says.
As adolescents feel the need for more privacy, there will be times they simply don’t want to talk. When that happens, Steinberg recommends the following approach: “If a 12- or 13-year-old looks upset, say ‘You look upset. Do you want to talk about what’s bothering you?’ If the child says no, say ‘That’s OK, but if you do feel like talking, I’m here.’ ”

Emily Graham is a senior editor for School Family Media. She lives with her family in Oklahoma.

Parents Are Teachers, Too

Use these simple ideas to reinforce learning at home and develop your child’s academic skills.
by Emily Graham

Before your kids started school, you were their primary teacher, instructing them in the ABCs and 123s. Now that they’ve moved on to more complex subjects, it’s likely that you’ve shifted into the role of coach, making sure they finish their homework and get to school on time.
But even as children advance through the grades, their parents remain their most important teachers. Your attitudes toward education influence how your kids think about learning. By looking for learning experiences in your family’s daily routines, you can help your children see a connection between what they learn in school and the real world.
Kids can find out about fractions while measuring ingredients for a recipe or practice math skills by counting change at the grocery store. They can have some fun and develop verbal and critical thinking skills by devising alternative endings to books or movies. Incorporating these types of creative activities outside of school hours can help kids develop academic skills and reduce the amount of time they sit passively in front of the TV.
“Nothing has to take more than five minutes, and yet what you’ve done is you’ve conveyed to your child, ‘I care about you, I care about what you’re learning....And isn’t this an interesting world?’ ” says Dorothy Rich, author of the MegaSkills book series, which includes many home learning activities for families.
She encourages parents to take a few minutes every day to have educational interactions with their children. This could be as simple as having a child measure a rug or estimate how much it will cost to fill the gas tank. Or it could involve talking about the things you observe while traveling in the car or sitting in a waiting room. This kind of interaction can help kids build their vocabulary, conversation skills, and critical thinking abilities, as well as help instill a love of learning, Rich says.
Children younger than 13 spend 80 percent of their waking hours outside of school, according to the 2000 University of Michigan study “How American Children Spend Their Time.” What’s more, research has found that the most effective kind of parent involvement is that in which parents work with their children on at-home learning activities. This makes it even more important that parents continue the kind of informal teaching they did to get their kids ready for kindergarten once their children enter school, Rich says.
“Parents are more important in a child’s education than they think,” she says.
In addition to getting involved at school and helping kids with homework, parents can help by looking for informal learning opportunities that will encourage their child’s curiosity and help develop the child’s academic skills.
There are “lots of activities you can do at home to help your child learn without duplicating what schools do,” Rich says. “Not even the best school can do the job alone.”
Other experts agree. According to the National Science Foundation, parents exposing kids to math and science at an early age can make them more comfortable in those classes years later.
These educational activities don’t have to cost anything or take a lot of time, but they have long-lasting benefits. Here are a few activities you can try at home.
Math

• Help your child visualize fractions by folding napkins into halves, quarters, etc. If you’re using paper napkins, have kids label the fractions with a marker.
• At the grocery store, explain how fruits and vegetables are sold by weight, and have your child weigh the items you select. Ask her to estimate how much the items will weigh before putting them on the scale. Then have her estimate how many items she would need to add or remove for the items to weigh one pound.

Reading

• Turn off the TV and read a book with your child, with each of you acting out the role of a character in the book. Record your performance so you can listen to it together or share it with other family members.
• If your child has completed his homework and wants to watch a favorite program, use that time to reinforce reading skills. Turn on the closed captioning so your child can read along as he watches and listens to the program.

Writing

• Cut apart each panel of a comic strip and remove the words. Have your child determine what order the drawings should go in, then ask her to fill in the words for the characters.
• Provide kids with a paintbrush and a pail of water and have them write messages on a sidewalk, or give a child a flashlight and have him spell words for you on the wall of a darkened room.

Science

• Conduct a simple experiment with your kids to determine what household objects will float or sink in water. Or hold a test to see whether hot or cold water will freeze faster, checking the water at set intervals.
• If you have some empty bottles on hand, ask your child to add different amounts of water to them. Blow on the rims of the bottles to see what sound they make. Ask kids to arrange the bottles from the lowest to the highest pitch.

In addition to strengthening academic skills, many home learning activities, such as helping prepare shopping lists, teach children about adult responsibilities. Parents can give older children a view into their world by showing them a bank statement or insurance document and using it to start a discussion. Parents can use exercises like these to teach kids effective study skills and skills they’ll need in the workplace, such as motivation and perseverance.
Although Rich encourages parents to view their environments as full of learning tools, she cautions them against overdoing it. If parents are drilling information into their children, it’s no longer fun for anyone.
“Your goal is...not to be there as the [lecturing] teacher...but to enable the child to feel empowered to be a self-disciplined learner,” she says.

Emily Graham is a senior editor for School Family Media. She lives with her family in Oklahoma.

Homework: Be a Stage Manager

When it comes to homework, your role is to create a situation where your child can succeed, not to do his work for him. This expert advice tells you how.
by Lani Harac

The last bell of the day rings and classroom doors bang open. Kids crowd the hallways in their hurry to get home. School’s out, after all—they’re finally free!
But they’ve forgotten one thing, at least for the moment: Those backpacks they carry are heavy for a reason. There are math problems to solve and essays to write. In short, there’s homework to do. But though it may be the last thing your student wants to do, spending time on homework doesn’t have to be a chore—or worse, a battle.
Dr. Harris Cooper, a psychology professor and director of the Program in Education at Duke University, has spent more than two decades researching the issues surrounding homework. He has plenty of advice for parents.
“There are lots of things a parent can do that don’t necessarily tell a child what to do but help them study,” he says. Think of yourself as a stage manager, Cooper recommends: providing a well-lit space, making sure there’s a dedicated time for homework, having all the necessary materials gathered in advance.
And as much as possible, he adds, do complementary activities of your own when your child is tackling homework. For example, if your 10-year-old needs to read three chapters for English class, you could say, “Let’s turn off the TV. I want to read”—then pick up your novel or catch up with a professional journal. Likewise, math homework is the perfect time to balance the family budget.
Once your child gets started on homework, monitor him to make sure he doesn’t start feeling frustrated. Let him know it’s OK to ask for help. “If they walk away from the work, if they’re fidgeting, they’re verbalizing frustration,” Cooper says. “Ask questions of your child while they’re doing the homework. Not frequently, but enough so the child knows you’re available.”
Sometimes it might seem like your child is spending too much time and effort on homework based on the assignment he’s been given. If it does not happen often, Cooper suggests having the student walk away for a quick break or work on something else for a while.
But sometimes when it seems like an assignment is taking hours, the child has only spent 30 minutes of dedicated time on his work. The rest may have been lost to instant-messaging with friends, getting up repeatedly for a forgotten tool, or other distractions and time-wasters. If it’s more serious than that—if a child has spent two hours trying to work out a single math problem—there may be more at play.
“In the best of all possible worlds, before it got to that point the parent would call the teacher and talk about what’s going on in their house,” Cooper says.
When you call, he adds, “the first thing is to not be confrontational and to make sure that the problem your child is having with the homework doesn’t relate to something other than the assignment itself. If parents do that, if they then go to their teacher and say ‘We’ve looked at these issues, and we don’t think the problems lie in how our own lives are structured or how the homework is done, but it seems to be more to do with the difficulty of the assignment’—if you do that, I think educators will respond.”
Whenever homework troubles arise, guard against the desire to avoid your child’s frustration altogether. Cooper stresses that helping kids with homework is different from doing the work for them. “Parents have to recognize that the only thing that kids learn when parents do projects for them is that when the going gets tough, Mom gets going. And that’s not a lesson we want our kids to learn.”
Instead, he recommends helping your child work through the steps of a problem. Give guidance, Cooper says—don’t give the answer. That’s the best way to help your child learn.

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Dr. Cooper’s Homework Tips for Parents

Be a stage manager. Make sure your child has a quiet, well-lit place to do homework. Make sure necessary materials (paper, pencils, dictionary) are available.
Be a motivator. Homework provides a great opportunity for you to tell your child how important school is. Be positive about homework. The attitude you express will be the attitude your child acquires.
Be a role model. When your child does homework, don’t sit and watch TV. If your child is reading, you read, too. If your child is doing math, balance your checkbook. Help your child see that the skills he is practicing are related to things you do as an adult.
Be a monitor. Watch your child for signs of failure and frustration. If your child asks for help, provide guidance, not answers. If frustration sets in, suggest a short break.
Be a mentor. When the teacher asks that you play a role in homework, do it. If homework is meant to be done alone, stay away. Homework is a great way for kids to develop lifelong learning skills. Overinvolvement can be a bad thing.

Lani Harac is managing editor of School Family Media. She lives in the Boston area with her family.

Better Grades—10 Ways You Can Help!

Make sure your child is ready to learn and achieve at school with these 10 smart tips on what you can do at home to prepare her for success.
by Evelyn Beck

Parents who want to help their children succeed in school must strike the proper balance. They should be involved—but not too involved. They should set limits—but allow freedom. They should encourage their kids to excel—but not expect perfection. However, it’s not as hard as it might sound to help your kids enjoy their academic experience. Here are 10 tips from experts on how to make this year a great one for your family.
1. Create a routine. “Kids benefit from having structure in their home life,” says Michael Popkin, PhD, author of Helping Your Child Succeed in School and founder of Active Parenting Publishers. He recommends getting up at the same time each morning, eating a nutritious breakfast, and instituting a positive bedtime ritual that includes 20 minutes of reading (up to middle school). “As the kids get older, they can take turns reading with you,” he says. “Let it be interaction time. They can ask questions and discuss what they’re reading and talk about other ways a story might end.”

2. Prepare for the morning the night before. Avoid morning chaos by eliminating the need for last-minute decisions. A bad morning practically ensures a difficult day at school. So accomplish as much as possible before bedtime, such as helping your child choose what clothes to wear and gathering all needed school materials in the same “launching spot.” Having a backpack prepared with all essentials also helps foster self-confidence. “Teachers view our kids as poor students if they always forget critical items they need to bring,” says Stacy DeBroff, author of The Mom Book Goes to School and founder of the website Mom Central. “It affects teachers’ perceptions of our kids as dedicated learners.” And those attitudes in turn influence student performance.

3. Help your child get organized. Organization extends beyond assembling the next day’s materials. Kids need help developing a system for storing and retrieving items so that they feel in control of their success. DeBroff suggests using color-coded folders each year so that a child can easily connect a color with a subject and thus find material quickly. Helping children keep backpacks uncluttered and storing all school items in a safe place can also train children to develop organizational habits that will serve them well throughout their lives.

4. Provide a quiet place for homework, but let your child work alone. A regular time and a good workspace to complete homework are essential, and homework should be a household priority. On the other hand, remember that the work is your child’s responsibility, not yours. “Keep the house quiet during homework time, but don’t stand over your child while he or she is doing homework,” Popkin says. “Be available to help. But you don’t want to make it a ‘Let’s sit down and do our homework’ process.” Remember that homework provides important information about student comprehension to teachers, so you do your child a disservice if you correct answers. If you feel that you must help, point out mistakes but let your child figure out how to fix them.

5. Limit distractions. Television, computers, and video games can be a huge competitor for your child’s attention, especially when it comes to homework, so limit these activities, at least on school nights. But the problem with these kinds of diversions extends beyond the way they waste time because they also create a mindset in children that makes school seem boring. “TV encourages children to be passive recipients of information and trains their brain to pay attention to rapidly changing, highly stimulating information,” says Robert Needlman, a developmental and behavioral pediatrician at MetroHealth Medical Center in Cleveland. “As a result, kids tend to turn off and tune out from less highly stimulating information, such as someone reading to them or a teacher talking to them.”

6. Encourage intellectual curiosity. Engage your child in dinner-table conversations. Share your own interests, such as what you’ve learned recently about gardening or playing the piano. Talk about current events. Nourish your child’s curiosity about the world, and you will instill a love of learning. “When my child was young, we would take family walks and play a game in which one of us would be a legislator and one of us would be the president and one of us would be a representative from the other house,” Needlman says. “Somebody would propose legislation such as ‘I propose we should have extra dessert.’ Then we’d debate it.”

7. Allow free time. Every child needs time to unwind, so be sure that at least part of each day is free of responsibilities. In particular, don’t overschedule your child with too many afternoon activities. “After a long day at school, if you’re zipping off for trumpet lessons or soccer practice, there’s suddenly very little downtime,” DeBroff says. “You have to make sure your children have pockets of time to replenish their energy.” Opportunities for unstructured play, according to a report from the American Academy of Pediatrics, protect children’s emotional development as it helps them manage stress and become resilient. The absence of such free time creates unnecessary anxiety.

8. Build relationships with teachers. “Open the lines of communication,” says DeBroff, who suggests writing a letter to the teacher at the beginning of the year about what motivates your child and possible areas of difficulty. She also suggests asking the teacher how things are going and being open to hearing about problems. And don’t criticize teachers, especially in front of your child. “Make teachers more ready to put in extra effort when stumbling blocks appear,” she says. “If teachers feel they are getting criticized by parents or getting disrespectful attitudes from children, it really affects how the kids are doing.”

9. Focus on effort rather than grades. Show confidence in your children’s abilities but don’t ask too much of them. “If you’re always raising the bar, they never feel quite good enough,” says Popkin, who advises starting with strengths. “If they get a report card and they’ve got A’s and B’s and also one C, don’t just jump in on the C. Start with a focus on what they did well. Then talk about how they feel about the C and whether that represents good effort for them or if they need to work on it.”

10. Learn how to step back. When evaluating your child’s overall performance, be careful not to let your own ambitions take over. “When parents get too involved, by definition kids are miserable,” Needlman says. Resist the urge to micromanage your child’s education. School is your child’s job, not yours. Stop worrying about whether your child is doing well enough to get into a good college. The result of such pressure is that children feel like failures. “A child that might have been a really happy average student and would go on to be perfectly successful in life might become an unhappy average student or an unhappy above-average or excellent student struggling to deal with depression and anxiety.”

School Success Enhanced by Goal Setting and Journaling

School success is vital to a child’s present and future happiness, and goal setting can help enhance a child’s chances of succeeding in school. Goal setting, however, is hard for most of us.
Sometimes it is difficult to clarify for ourselves what our goals are and how we intend to achieve them. This is especially so for young students and their school success aims. Like adults kids also face challenges when it comes to setting goals but if they learn to write down their goals and to record each step of their goal process the job can be much easier. Journal keeping is a great tool to do this.
Children who keep regular journals might automatically write about their goals and how to achieve them. But kids who don’t keep a journal or who don’t keep journals which are that specific might not know how to go about journal keeping as it relates to goal stetting and school success. This is true especially if a student tends to keep a journal focused on the boy or girl they like or the music they’re currently into.  Suddenly switching their journaling gears and focusing on goals can be a bit of a shock to the system.
To ease a student’s transition from general to specific journaling we suggest an emphasis on hobbies or special interests to begin with and eventually graduating to a focus on specific school success or academic goals. To do so just use the following tips.

School Success Tips

Here are three steps to teach kids how to use a journal as a tool for goal setting for hobbies and, eventually, for school success goals.

School Success Tip #1 — Make a list

One unique and useful aspect of a journal is that all the ideas, thoughts and other things included in the journal are in one place and likely won’t get lost. So making a list of goals is an ideal way to start learning how to track them. On one page of the journal, a child might decide to make a list of five goals for the next year or the next six months or the next five years. The list initially might seem unrealistic or it might seem a little too safe, but the idea here is to get the ideas on paper in some organized fashion. Once the list is made, a child can look at the list and determine which of the goals are realistic and which aren’t.

Perhaps a child will title a page “goals I want to reach in six months” and it will become clear from looking at the list which ones will take much longer than six months. Writing goals down in a journal like this gives the child an opportunity to see what can be done, what can’t be done and where changes need to be made in the overall plan.

School Success Tip #2 — Make a list of how to achieve a goal

On a separate page of the journal, a child might take one of the goals he or she has identified and devote an entire page to it. Here, the child might make a list of how to achieve the goal. For example, if a child sets a goal to make the school baseball team, a list might include things like “practice swinging bat 10 minutes a day”.

By making lists, the child is not only learning how to dream about the goals but how to put steps in place to make the goal a reality.

School Success Tip #3 – Begin to chart progress on goals

On another page of the journal, a child might chart the progress that he or she has made by writing down things he or she is actually doing to achieve the goal. For example, the child might note when and where and how he or she practices that baseball skill. The child might note when private lessons are acquired or when casual play takes place with friends. All of these things, when charted out over time, will allow the child to see how things come together.

School success can be ensured through setting achievement goals, but goal setting can seem overwhelming at first. Yet when a child practices goal setting with their hobbies and interests, the specific aspects of achieving her goal and the goal-setting process becomes much more inviting to learn.  Thereafter using a journal as a tool for school success goals (and achieving them) doesn’t have to seem quite so overwhelming after all.

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For Struggling Students, School Success Starts at Home

If your child struggles in school, these ideas that reinforce learning at home can make a real difference.
by Jennifer V. Hughes

Gaetane Borders tells the story of a 3rd grade boy who was still counting on his fingers at the start of the school year. By the end, the boy had mastered about 70 percent of his grade-level math. He did it thanks to a routine of flash cards, practice drills, and sticker rewards at home and school.
Often, simple steps like these can help struggling children succeed in school, says Borders, a school psychologist for the DeKalb County Schools in Georgia. And it’s never too late to help your child raise his grades or test scores. But you can’t be reluctant to address test and grade problems early. “The minute there is an indication that a child is not doing well in a subject, that’s cause to sit up and do something,” she says.
A good first step toward helping your child perform better in school is to make sure he understands his homework as he’s doing it. For math, for example, have him do questions one through five with you to make sure he’s on the right track. Then he can do the rest of the page solo. “It’s so much easier to correct three wrong answers than 25,” Borders says. “It keeps [children] from getting overwhelmed.”
If the issue is reading, have your daughter read three pages and talk about what she’s read. That’s better than having her read the whole chapter and then realize that she can’t answer the questions at the end. “Once that self-esteem starts to falter, it’s hard to get successes,” Borders says. “You don’t want them to get too frustrated.”
If you notice that your child is having trouble with, say, science, ask him to do his homework and then talk to him about what he’s done. “I call it the takeaway,” says Dom Giordano, a former high school teacher in Philadelphia. “You ask: What was absolutely essential about this? What was the most important thing you learned? What did you have a hard time with?”
The method doesn’t have to take a long time, but it gives parents an opportunity to see where their children might be having difficulties and to focus in on those problem areas. “With the constant repetition, the light bulb goes off in different ways,” says Giordano, who taught for 20 years and is also the host of a local radio show on education and other topics.

Note-Taking and Foundation Knowledge

Poor note-taking can also be an issue. “Note-taking is a learned skill that takes practice,” Giordano says. Make sure your child knows that the teacher will write key points on the board or emphasize them with her voice. Giordano also suggests asking the teacher to review your child’s notes to see whether he is focusing on the most important parts of a lesson.
When students struggle, it often turns out that they have missed key skills somewhere along the way, says Jamie Puntumkhul, who founded a Miami-based tutoring company, JLP Education Services.
“If you have a 5th grader who is having a hard time with fractions, we go back two grade levels and comb through their existing skills,” says Puntumkhul. “When we see where there was a problem, we stop and help them master that skill. It’s like a physical with a doctor to make sure everything is OK.”
Sandy LaBelle, who develops classroom management systems for teachers, uses many lessons from W. Edwards Deming to help students succeed in school. Deming was a professor and business expert known, in particular, for helping Japanese carmakers build a reputation for efficiency and quality.
LaBelle refers to one of Deming’s principles as good for parents to keep in mind: If you want the best work possible, involve your workers with important decisionmaking. For example, she says, you could ask your child “what can we do to raise your grades?” or “do you think it might help if we did flash cards 15 minutes a night?”
“Do whatever you can to make it as much their idea as possible,” says La Belle, who taught K-12 grades for 32 years. “When you tell someone what to do rather than ask them what they think they should do, there is a huge difference in cooperation.”

Studying and Homework: Eliminate Distractions

Another important thing parents can do is to ensure there is a good routine for studying and homework, says Ronald Dietel, author of the book Get Smart! Nine Sure Ways To Help Your Child Succeed in School. Getting an older child her own calendar or organizer can help her keep track of assignments. Students of all ages often benefit from doing their homework at a set time and place.
First, it’s important to eliminate distractions like TV and toys. The best place for homework is one where kids can work by themselves but parents can supervise. “What you’re hoping to do is set up a system that will allow them to work independently,” Dietel says.
Even if your goal is to raise your child’s grades, praise effort instead of performance. If your child typically struggles with writing essays but turns in six pages instead of his usual three, point that out. “You can say, ‘Wow, I can tell you really went all out on that essay,’ ” Dietel says. If your son usually has a hard time working without being nagged and he does his homework independently, make a note of it. “You can say, ‘I just noticed that I didn’t have to remind you to do your homework—that’s great!’ ”
Dietel also makes a comparison between leisure activities and schoolwork. If your child spends hours practicing his guitar licks, Dietel suggests, note the similarity between that hard work and the effort of schoolwork. If he wants to quit soccer when games get more competitive, encourage him to stick it out for another season. “Out-of-school activities can reinforce the same kinds of learning that we hope they do in school,” Dietel says.
If your child seems to have difficulty with a particular class, don’t be afraid to ask for a meeting with teachers and the school psychologist first to see whether there is an underlying learning disability. “The phrase ‘learning disability’ scares away a lot of parents, but it just means that the child learns differently,” Borders says. “Uncovering that can be the key to starting toward excellence.”

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Reading To Understand

Pamela Charles was not surprised when her son Isaiah’s teachers started telling her he was having trouble with reading comprehension.
“We could see he was having comprehension problems just in everyday family life, following regular conversations,” says Charles, who lives with her family in Rockland County, N.Y. “We’d be talking about going shopping and he’d say something all of a sudden about having a pizza party on Monday.”
In school, if there was a lesson about Pluto, for instance, Isaiah would miss the main point that Pluto is no longer considered a planet. Charles says she noticed that during homework, he would struggle with tasks that required critical thinking.
In 2nd grade, Isaiah scored a 2 out of 4 on a state standardized test. Now in 4th grade, he’s lifted that score to a 3.5.
So how did he do it? Charles says she worked with her son to help him understand what he was reading, no matter what the subject.
If he answered a question about a history text, she’d have him go back to the chapter and underline where the answer was found. She encouraged him to go to the dictionary to look up words he was unsure about. If he was struggling with a homework problem, she advised him, “Ask yourself the question three times, and if you still can’t figure it out, come and get me.”
“That gave him more direction and more confidence,” says Charles, who approached the problem as a parent and an educator—she works as the principal of a school for emotionally disturbed and learning disabled children. “Even if it wasn’t complete when I got to him, he had gotten some of it done himself.”

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Rock On!

Jane, a mother from West Caldwell, N.J., realized something needed to be done last year when her son’s 3rd grade standardized test scores were on the lower end of “proficient”—not failing but too close for comfort.
“His issue has always been that he rushes through his work because he wants to be done with it,” Jane says. (To protect her son’s privacy, she asked that her real name not be used.) The boy might rush through a math test so fast that he even skipped questions, or he’d write an essay so quickly that his sentences were too simple.
With her son’s teacher, Jane worked out a chart system of daily goals: Did he take time on each task? Did he participate in groups?
“It makes him aware and at the end of each school day the teacher looks at the chart with him,” says Jane. The teacher, knowing his love for rock music, developed a music theme to track his progress. If he meets all his goals, the chart says “Rock and Roll.” If he’s not doing so well it says “Not Making the Band.”
“He’s actually really into it,” she says. “He comes home and says ‘Mom! I got all ‘Rock and Rolls’ today!’ ”
So far, the idea seems to be working.
“He’s definitely more responsible and more confident,” she says. “He gets it now.”

HOW TO BE A GOOD FRIEND

To have good friends you must be a good friend. Here are some of the ways good friends treat each other:
• Good friends listen to each other.
• Good friends don't put each other down or hurt each other's feelings.
• Good friends try to understand each other's feelings and moods.
• Good friends help each other solve problems.
• Good friends give each other compliments.
• Good friends can disagree without hurting each other.
• Good friends are dependable.
• Good friends respect each other.
• Good friends are trustworthy.
• Good friends give each other room to change.
• Good friends care about each other.

HOW TO SET GOALS

1.  Define the goal.*
2.  Outline the steps needed to achieve it.
3.  Consider possible blocks and ways of dealing with them.
4.  Set deadlines.
*Not every wish can be a goal. For instance, you may wish you could live and stay young forever, but since there's nothing you can do to make that happen, it could never be considered a goal.

In order for something to be a goal:

• It has to be important to you, personally.

• It has to be within your power to make it happen through your own actions.

• It has to be something you have a reasonable chance of achieving.

• It must be clearly defined and have a specific plan of action.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

If you are using the video, ask the first two questions before viewing.

1. Do you ever set goals for yourself? What are some goals you have right now (short term and long-term)?
2. Agree or disagree: It's better to set lower goals than to risk failure by setting higher ones.
3. In the video, Mike Pritchard told a story about a guy sitting in a Hollywood coffee shop waiting to be discovered. What was the point of that story?
4. What's the difference between a wish and a goal?
5. How do you decide what your goals are?
6. Have you ever set a goal that was unrealistic? What happened? What did you learn from that?
7. Is it ever okay to take risks? What kinds of risks are okay? What kinds of risks are not okay?
8. Have you ever gone out on a limb and risked failure in order to achieve a bigger goal? (describe) Are you glad you took that risk?
9. Has there been a time when you turned a failure into a success? (describe) What did you learn from that?
10. What's the difference between failing and being a failure?
11. If you don't accomplish all your goals does that make you a failure?
12. What are some good ways to deal with disappointments?
13. What is your personal definition of success?
14. Is it a good idea to set goals? Why, what do goals do for you?
15. What was most meaningful to you in this video? Why?

School Success Enhanced by Goal Setting and Journaling

School success is vital to a child’s present and future happiness, and goal setting can help enhance a child’s chances of succeeding in school. Goal setting, however, is hard for most of us.
Sometimes it is difficult to clarify for ourselves what our goals are and how we intend to achieve them. This is especially so for young students and their school success aims. Like adults kids also face challenges when it comes to setting goals but if they learn to write down their goals and to record each step of their goal process the job can be much easier. Journal keeping is a great tool to do this.
Children who keep regular journals might automatically write about their goals and how to achieve them. But kids who don’t keep a journal or who don’t keep journals which are that specific might not know how to go about journal keeping as it relates to goal stetting and school success. This is true especially if a student tends to keep a journal focused on the boy or girl they like or the music they’re currently into.  Suddenly switching their journaling gears and focusing on goals can be a bit of a shock to the system.
To ease a student’s transition from general to specific journaling we suggest an emphasis on hobbies or special interests to begin with and eventually graduating to a focus on specific school success or academic goals. To do so just use the following tips.

School Success Tips

Here are three steps to teach kids how to use a journal as a tool for goal setting for hobbies and, eventually, for school success goals.

School Success Tip #1 — Make a list

One unique and useful aspect of a journal is that all the ideas, thoughts and other things included in the journal are in one place and likely won’t get lost. So making a list of goals is an ideal way to start learning how to track them. On one page of the journal, a child might decide to make a list of five goals for the next year or the next six months or the next five years. The list initially might seem unrealistic or it might seem a little too safe, but the idea here is to get the ideas on paper in some organized fashion. Once the list is made, a child can look at the list and determine which of the goals are realistic and which aren’t.

Perhaps a child will title a page “goals I want to reach in six months” and it will become clear from looking at the list which ones will take much longer than six months. Writing goals down in a journal like this gives the child an opportunity to see what can be done, what can’t be done and where changes need to be made in the overall plan.

School Success Tip #2 — Make a list of how to achieve a goal

On a separate page of the journal, a child might take one of the goals he or she has identified and devote an entire page to it. Here, the child might make a list of how to achieve the goal. For example, if a child sets a goal to make the school baseball team, a list might include things like “practice swinging bat 10 minutes a day”.

By making lists, the child is not only learning how to dream about the goals but how to put steps in place to make the goal a reality.

School Success Tip #3 – Begin to chart progress on goals

On another page of the journal, a child might chart the progress that he or she has made by writing down things he or she is actually doing to achieve the goal. For example, the child might note when and where and how he or she practices that baseball skill. The child might note when private lessons are acquired or when casual play takes place with friends. All of these things, when charted out over time, will allow the child to see how things come together.

School success can be ensured through setting achievement goals, but goal setting can seem overwhelming at first. Yet when a child practices goal setting with their hobbies and interests, the specific aspects of achieving her goal and the goal-setting process becomes much more inviting to learn.  Thereafter using a journal as a tool for school success goals (and achieving them) doesn’t have to seem quite so overwhelming after all.

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Goal Setting for Middle Schoolers

Goal Setting for Middle Schoolers—
Goal setting is a great habit for kids to learn and master.  But, goal setting and following through on established goals are two different things! This is where journaling comes in handy.

There is simply no better tool out there to help remind a person how far they’ve come and how much they’ve achieved
toward their chosen goals than a written record in the form of a journal. By maintaining a special journal dedicated to goals, children will be able to see their progress, and seeing progress is what will encourage and motivate them to keep working toward the achievement of their chosen goals.
Meaningful, insightful and useful goal setting occurs when the focus of the goal is on self-awareness, personal development and growth. In other words, goal setting is about the child’s interests, wants, desires… not on what others want the child to do or be.
Goal setting is simple, really, and can be broken down in to three parts.
Simple Goal Setting Steps

1. Identify a Goal

2. Record the Goal (write it down!)

3. Monitor Progress toward the Achievement of a Goal

Unfortunately, part three of the goal setting steps is often forgotten or set aside, and as we’ve already explored, it is journaling that can help motivate kids to follow through on their goals.  The key is to engage the child in their goal journal. To do this let’s discuss how to help kids identify meaningful goals that will capture their interest through all three goal setting steps outline above.

How to Help Kids Create Goals

When it comes to goal setting for middles schoolers, it is essential to help them set goals that excite passion, interest, and enthusiasm. It is also essential that children learn to write goals from a personal development perspective.  The single easiest way to get a child to identify a meaningful goal is to ask this key question:

“What talent, gift or capacity gives you joy and
how can you grow it?”

Help a child dig a little deeper by exploring the question in greater detail.  Here are some suggestions on how to do so:

Talents –

What unique talents do you possess that bring you joy? Are there hidden talents just waiting to emerge? If so, what are they and how can you grow them?

Gifts –

What gift (usually a skill) do you already possess that you can offer to this world?  How can you use this gift in new, fun and exiting ways?

Capacities –

Are you able to be patient with others? Do you find yourself motivating others or encouraging them to do better?  These are special capacities that you possess. How can you grow your special capacities and benefit from them?

By helping a student set goals based on their talents, gifts and capacities they will be more engaged and motivated to follow their stated goal through to achievement.  Basically, this is about identifying strengths and building upon them, not trying to overcome one’s weaknesses. This is an important distinction!
Journal keeping is a great tool to help children not only set goals but also monitor and, ultimately, achieve their goals. Journaling in a notebook, a printed book or an online journal is a great way to help a child track, monitor and see the progress s/he is making toward their goals.
Journaling and goal setting (and keeping) is a perfect partnership.  Have your middle schoolers try it. They’ll be pleasantly surprised by the results. I guarantee it!

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“There is no single effort more radical
in its potential for saving the world
than a transformation of the way we raise our children.”

~ Marianne Williamson